Things I Learned From Wikipedia

As far as I know, everyone hates Rob Thomas, the former lead singer of Matchbox 20. The man is like a cold that never goes away. Every time I hear that duet he did with Santana in 1999, and unfortunately it is often, I want to drill a hole through my brain. Hasn’t that song been played enough by now? It should be illegal for anyone to ever play that song. For some reason songs by this dude keep coming up on my Slacker Radio account even though I have put him on my banned list. The guy just keeps coming back into my life and doesn’t get the hint I don’t want anything he has ever recorded near my ears. The dude is not cool, doesn’t make good music, and offers nothing to the general public. Worst of all, he has no morals, as evidenced when he asked one of my friend’s ex-girlfriends for her phone number while she was talking about her boyfriend. I think this was after Rob was married too. Never in my life have I met a Rob Thomas or Matchbox 20 fan, nor would I ever expect to. That’s why it surprised me to read what I did on Wikipedia.

Also in 2009, Rob Thomas and Rivers Cuomo began a collaboration due to popular demand to appear on Weezer’s eighth album. The song is described as reggae.

Thankfully, no song has currently come out. However, I am deeply disturbed for three main reasons. First of all, what the hell is Rivers Cuomo doing or considering doing anything with Rob Thomas?!?! Rivers Cuomo has talent and knows what good music sounds like, therefore he should consider working with Rob Thomas as sinful as someone stepping on his glasses. Even though some would argue Rivers doesn’t know good music anymore, he at least used to know what it is. I mean, why Rivers? Why? I would love to hear the explanation on why you would do this. If this collaboration comes out, I am officially done with Weezer forever. Secondly, what popular demand is there for Rob and Rivers to work together? Who is demanding this, where are they demanding it, and just like the first part, I ask why? Why are you demanding Rob Thomas to do anything, unless it involves painful death? Thirdly, does anyone in the solar system think that either one of these two honky white bread musicians can pull of reggae? Again, I ask why. Why reggae? Are they trying to destroy a genre of music? All I know is those two sentences have angered me to great proportions; that’s the effect Rob Thomas has on me. If you feel the same, which you probably do, that’s what Rob Thomas does to the world.

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I had to wake up earlier than normal this morning and it has taken its toll on me. I was pretty lethargic in coming up with a post today. I knew it was really bad when I asked my friend for a topic, she told me “Write it on Judy Winslow” and I responded with “Who is that?” I mean obviously when you think Winslow, you instantly think Family Matters. However I don’t remember a Judy on the show, so I just naturally assumed that she was talking about someone I didn’t know. So I went straight to Wikipedia to figure out who this mystery person was. It turns out, she was on Family Matters. Yet it was normal I didn’t remember Judy because her own fictional TV family forgot about her.

“Played by Valerie Jones (pilot only), and Jaimee Foxworth (1989–1993)^[22]. Judy is the younger daughter, and youngest child, of Carl and Harriette. Her middle name is unknown (Laura’s middle name is Lee and Eddie’s middle names are James and Arthur). She is nine years old as the series begins, and is in the series until she is twelve. It is suggested that she enjoys a close relationship with her sister Laura. She attended elementary school, and later middle school (in sixth grade). During her years on the show, the name of her schools are never disclosed. She was the only character without her own episode. She later disappeared from the series altogether, with no explanation given. Many people and Jaimee Foxworth say Judy went up to her room and never came down. She is not a very good speller as seen in “Torn Between Two Lovers.”

This character was doomed from the start that she was replaced after the first episode. I think the reason why poor Judy Winslow disappeared from the series is that they probably didn’t want to have an episode where she committed suicide. I mean why does she have a reason to live? Her parents didn’t give her a middle name, never cared about her education, and didn’t give a damn if she stayed in her room all day, every day. It is  even suggested that she might have even been mentally challenged and she still got treated worse than the family dog. Judy if you’re out there, please come down from your room and let us know you’re ok. Your Wikipedia posting is a cry for help.

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As stated before, my brother is the king of pop culture knowledge. He knows everything, however, that doesn’t always mean his opinions are always right. Today he told me that the new X-Men movie looks awesome. This is a perfect example of him being wrong and teaching me something about pop culture at the same time.

I had no idea they were making a new X-Men movie. I loved the comics growing up and the first two movies. The third movie and the Wolverine spin-off were mediocre at best, so I thought that they weren’t going to do anything else. I kinda wish they weren’t. So when my brother told me that it was going to be a prequel, I had to check Wikipedia for some more information.

“The film, set during the 1960s, will focus on the relationship between Professor X and Magneto and the origin of their groups, the X-Men and the Brotherhood of Mutants. The film stars James McAvoy as Professor X and Michael Fassbender as Magneto. It also stars Kevin Bacon as Sebastian Shaw, the antagonist of the movie. Other cast members include January Jones, Rose Byrne, Jennifer Lawrence and Lucas Till. The film is mostly being shot in England and parts of the United States. Fox envisions this film as the first in a new trilogy.”

Does this not sound like pure crap to anyone else besides me?!?! Worse of all, they want to make it a trilogy?!?!? I’m pretty sure this is a story line that no one is interested in. Grumble. Thanks Fox and Marvel for killing my favorite comic book of all time. It’s pretty obvious you only care about trying to make as much money as possible and not about the quality of your product. I will commend you for casting January Jones so comic nerds have something to look at, and pretend to know what to do with, but that’s as far as I’ll go about the good about this movie. Yes, it could have been worse; they could have done a Cyclops spin-off movie. But that doesn’t mean that this ok by any means. If you see this movie, let alone in theaters, you deserve to be tar and feathered. Wiki has informed us a lot about great things over the course of the blog, and for the first time tells us something horribly awful. However, we should be grateful to it for forewarning us about the giant turd that is coming out in theaters June 3, 2011

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In case you didn’t know, Justin Bieber is everywhere. As I was stuffing my face this weekend, he was in front of my face in a Super Bowl commercial. When I went to the movie theater a few weeks back, I saw a life-size cut out of Bieber. When I go to the book store, I see Bieber’s biography all over the place. Hell, I was even Bieber for Halloween; so I’m just as guilty for going along with the phenomenon.

You have to figure he’s popular especially since girls from ages 8-16 cry over seeing him in public. He wouldn’t be everywhere I go, if he wasn’t. Granted, there will always be people who don’t like him and will mock him for being a tweeny/teeny-bopper, but those are usually just cynics who are jealous of his fame, fortune, good-looks, and debatable talent. Besides if he had that much animosity towards him, it would be on his Wikipedia page….right?!?!

“The music video of “Baby” is currently ranked as the most viewed, most discussed, and most disliked Youtube video.^[12]” (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kffacxfA7G4)

Wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooow. Maybe he is that hated. Do yourself a favor and think of everything on Youtube. I did a quick search on controversial topics on Youtube and I found videos that had the following descriptions:

1. The leader of a white supremacist group details his thoughts on a hate-crime shooting in a preschool.
2. Anti-Abortion Pro-life Video: Development of the Unborn Baby.
3. Osama Bin Laden Biography
4. President Bush announcing invasion of Iraq
5. The Ladies on The View talk about the fight for Gay Marriage and Proposition 8.

Yet despite all those notorious topics, among millions of others, Bieber has the most hated video of all of Youtube. I didn’t think he was that awful. I mean how can you be worse than all those listed above? Yet some 16 year-old Canadian Pop singer is. Is this when the world has come to? Hating Bieber more than racism, abortion, Bin Laden, war, gay marriage, and The View? Sadly, I guess so.

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I’m not afraid to admit it; growing up, I wanted to be Sylvester Stallone. Now that I’m grown up, I still want to be Sylvester Stallone. The man is built of 50% muscle, 50% testosterone and 25% skin, bones, organs, teeth, and blood. Stallone has be known to grow the best beard in the history of the solar system. He has played my favorite movie character ever (Rocky Balboa) and supplemented that by being the great John Rambo and the priceless Lincoln Hawk. (Note: If you haven’t seen Over The Top where Stallone plays Hawk, the truck driving, arm wrestler, watch it ASAP. It will change your life.) Yes, I love Arnold, but Stallone still kicks ass and is not too busy to make movies. Stallone has embraced the extremely unnecessary violence and action that makes me giggle like a school girl on prom night and used to make delicious protein chocolate pudding that I used to consume like it was air, therefore he wins out.

Stallone’s last two films, Rambo and The Expendables were some of the most excessively violent, action packed films I have seen; and I loved every second of them. In Rambo, Stallone ripped out a man’s throat with his own hands and chopped off another man’s head with a machete as the head rolled through the jungle like a bowling ball. Stallone made that seem like a tea party compared to The Expendables. Whether it was having people explode, a bomb get thrown 200 feet in the air, or an entire military base getting blown up, The Expendables had every action sequence you can think of…and then some. That film had to have set film records on murders, bullets used, and unnecessary, yet still awesome deaths. I think that’s why what Wikipedia told me about Stallone is that much more interesting.

“Stallone supports The Brady Center to Prevent Gun Violence, and is featured prominently on that organization’s website along with other celebrities.^{[39] “}

Never in my life have I experienced such a blatant contradictory message. If Stallone cared about gun violence, he wouldn’t make the movies he does and if The Brady Center cared, they wouldn’t allow him to go anywhere near their organization. Yet it’s like middle school all over again, teachers who reek like cigarettes are telling me not to smoke and girls I ask out are telling me they don’t want a boyfriend. Yet two days later they changed their mind when they are going out with someone other than me. I’m confused, dejected, and feel lied to. However, now that I’m not in middle school anymore, I’m smart enough to look at the big picture. I’m not going to smoke, let a girl get me depressed, nor will I EVER stop watching and supporting Stallone. He can kill as many people as he wants with a machine gun, but he doesn’t want to. Sounds like a hero to me.

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As far as I’m concerned, Con Air is not only one of the best action movies of the 1990’s, but it is so over-the-top unrealistic and ridiculous, that I watch it every single time I see it on tv….and I own it on DVD. Besides it’s intense action scenes, this film rates very highly on the unintentional comedy scale. Seriously, who thought of the idea, “Let’s take the worst, most dangerous criminals in America and put them on a plane together. I really don’t think anything wrong will or can happen. There is no way, they will come up with a plan to try and overtake the plane with only three guards on board.” Keep in mind that if this concept doesn’t seem unrealistic enough for you, this is before John Malkovich builds a bomb….in prison. I mean, come on! I can’t imagine a scenario like this ever happening in real life. Yet we are supposed to believe that it would. Better yet, according to Wikipedia, we might be expected to believe that it would happen again.

“As of January 2011, director Simon West is keen to make a sequel and is currently courting Nicolas Cage to get the ball rolling.”

Nooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo way!!! This news doesn’t just make my day. It makes my week, month, and year. It would make my decade and century too, but that will be saved for when I actually watch this cinema masterpiece. I am the king of curiosity and I can’t wait to see how this movie plays out. They can’t rehash the same plot, really  hoping that the plane will not be taken over this time; right?!?! That would be too absurd, even for a Nic Cage film. Therefore, I am really hoping they don’t move this over to a boat, like they did with Speed 2 or a train with Under Siege 2, since both would make the word “Air” quite moot. Also, there is no way good guy Cameron Poe gets in trouble again. He should be home being a good dad and husband like we expected him to be when we last left him. What would Cage’s character’s role be in the movie? Since this information isn’t available yet, you better believe I will be checking Wikipedia hourly for some more information. Let’s hope that they post something ASAP, as much as we are hoping they turn this franchise into a trilogy.

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Name me someone who doesn’t like Pac-Man, and I’ll find you someone who doesn’t exist. Everyone loooooooooves Pac-Man. After all, it’s fun for boys and girls of all ages. Add in the fact that it’s the most popular, and most played video game of all time, and you have something historic and legendary on your hands.

Two of my favorite unappreciated aspects of Pac-Man are that a) it’s great to play Armchair quarterback. You can watch someone play over his/her shoulder and criticize or praise every move he/she makes. It’s perfectly acceptable, and usually required to be 100% judgemental if you watch someone play. b) I’m convinced the more you play, the better you get. You can’t go into Pac-Man and expect to bring your “A” game. You need time to feel the joystick out and how it handles. The game demands you break out in a little bit of a sweat to starting getting good. This way the joystick is warm in your hands and is lubed up and ready to go. Hey Wiki, what can I learn from you about Pac-Man’s awesomeness that I don’t already know?

“In music, the Buckner & Garcia song “Pac-Man Fever” went to #9 on the Billboard Hot 100 charts.”

Wait what?!?!?!? This can’t be true…yet luckily, “Pac-Man Fever” has its own page as well to tell me more!!!!!!!!!!!

“Pac-Man Fever” is a hit single by Buckner & Garcia. Capitalizing on the video game craze of the early 1980s, the song, about the classic video game Pac-Man, peaked at #9 on the Billboard Hot 100 in the US in March 1982.^[1] That same month, it was certified Gold by the RIAA for over 1,000,000 units shipped to retailers.^[2]VH1 ranked it at #98 on their list of 100 Greatest One Hit Wonders of the 80s. (Youtube video: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kBdAPkk8yMM)

A follow-up release in May 1982, “Do the Donkey Kong,” just missed the Billboard chart, ranking #103. (Youtube video: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PNtmR4EHQ14)

Holy crap. Wow. Life changed forever. Somehow the combination of these songs being created and them being pretty successful makes me head explode. I’m overdosing on awesome over here. I don’t know how these songs were created and I had never heard of them today. However, I do know thanks to Wikipedia, I am excited to download these songs and add them to my iTunes asap and will be humming them the next time I play Pac-Man.

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Ever since I was 16, and performed my first karaoke session, I have been mildly obsessed with singing till my throat is sore in front of strangers. I have one of the worst voices you will ever hear in your life, and I’m not afraid to admit it. I once got served free drinks after singing ‘Always’ by Bon Jovi because the bartender told me “If you sing when you know you are that bad, that takes balls. I’m impressed.” Another time I sang for a contest called Karaoke Idol where they judged you on vocal ability, style, stage presence etc on a scale of 1 to 5. All the judges gave me a 1 for vocal ability, except for one judge who gave me a 3. When I asked him why he gave me that score, he said “I’m half deaf. I don’t know why they chose me to vote. You looked like you were good though.” I will never forget you sir for your kind words.

I still remember the first song I sang (Steal My Sunshine by Len in a duet on a cruise), the songs I sing the most (Thunder Road and Sherry Darling by Bruce Springsteen, I Want You Back by Jackson 5, and Wake Me Up Before You Go-Go by Wham) and keep mental notes on songs I want to sing next time I go. It is always a fun time to sing and here other people perform as well. I love knowing what songs people choose because it usually says a lot about a person. I was curious to know how and by whom this wonderful activity got started, and Wikipedia, as always, did not let me down.

There are various disputes about who first invented the name karaoke. One claim is that the karaoke styled machine was invented by Japanese musician Daisuke Inoue^[3] in Kobe, Japan, in 1971.^[4][5]

In Japan, it has long been common to provide musical entertainment at a dinner or a party. Japanese drummer Daisuke Inoue was asked by frequent guests in the Utagoe Kissa, where he performed, to provide a recording of his performance so that they could sing along on a company-sponsored vacation. Realizing the potential for the market, Inoue made a tape recorder that played a song for a 100-yen coin. Instead of giving his karaoke machines away, Inoue leased them out so that stores did not have to buy new songs on their own. Originally, it was considered a somewhat expensive fad, as it lacked the live atmosphere of a real performance and 100 yen in the 1970s was the price of two typical lunches, but it caught on as a popular entertainment. Karaoke machines were initially placed in restaurants and hotel rooms; soon, new businesses called karaoke boxes, with compartmented rooms, became popular. In 2004, Daisuke Inoue was awarded the tongue-in-cheek Ig Nobel Peace Prize for inventing karaoke, “thereby providing an entirely new way for people to learn to tolerate each other.”

This man is a genius, and it is a catastrophe of epic proportions that he is not more celebrated and well known. If Christopher Columbus has his own holiday, why not Inoue? Think about it; both made life-changing discoveries, took over a part of the world, and helped unite people from different countries. The only difference is Columbus had his breakthrough by accident. Inoue was brilliant enough to do this purposely. I have sung karaoke stone sober and out of my mind drunk, but I have never dedicated a song to Daisuke Inoue. That will change within a few weeks, I promise you that.

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I will never forget the first time I heard about Ox Baker. Ox was a former professional wrestler and actor that some friends of mine met when we were in high school. They told me he not only couldn’t spell the name David, but Ox threatened to, and I quote, “Slap the shit” out of them for making fun of his lack of spelling abilities and spit in their faces. What kind of man does this to a bunch of high school kids? One you don’t want to mess with clearly. Did I also mention that Ox is 6’ 5 and was listed as weighing 340 pounds?

For some reason, Ox came up in conversation today with my brother. As soon as his name was mentioned I started cracking up remembering the previous mentioned story. It was inevitable that I look Ox on Wikipedia. I not only found one awesome Ox fact, I found three. Dos Equis hired the wrong man. Ox is the most interesting man in the world. Check it out:

1. An estimated 8,000 men have fallen to the Heart Punch [Ox’s finishing move]. Among them are Fritz Von Erich, David Von Erich, Kerry Von Erich, Jimmy Snuka, Verne Gagne, Ernie Ladd, Harley Race, Bulldog Brower, Mil Mascaras,Hulk Hogan, and The Sheik.
2. He has published a children’s coloring Book and recorded a music CD.
3. During his years as a territorial wrestler Baker had gained a reputation as an accomplished cook, saving money on the road by avoiding restaurants and cooking meals for his fellow wrestlers himself. Sometime after his retirement Baker wrote and privately published his own cookbook/memoirs.

Wow, Ox, wow. You’ve accomplished a lot in your life. First of all, I would kill to know who keeps track of the number of men who have fallen via Heart Punch. Someone must have a lot of free time on their hands. Then again, if it involves pro wrestling, a lot of people with no lives are involved. Also, why is this considered impressive? Wrestling is fake! (My fourth grade self just cried.) This is by no means an accomplishment, nor should it be recognized as such.

The second two facts can be grouped together. It appears that the man is a gentle giant. How else do you explain Ox collaborating on children’s coloring books, cookbooks and music CDs? The man has talent coming out of his pores. He’s so versatile! More importantly, it all makes sense now. Ox got upset at my friends because they probably thought he was just some stupid guy with brain damage. Ox knows how to spell and was probably trying to be funny. It wouldn’t surprise me after reading these facts that he won his spelling bee growing up. He was insulted, because Ox Baker is not who you think he is, he’s a lot better than that. And if you think otherwise, he’s going to slap the shit out of you.

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Back in college, my best friend tried convincing me to watch the TV show Arrested Development, telling me it was the funniest show he has ever watched in his life. I watched a few episodes here and there, and thought it was funny, but never got hooked. A few years later, the whole series was on sale for Black Friday, so I decided to pick it up. Needless to say…I fell in love. I watched all three seasons constantly and laughed at all the jokes, even though I knew when they were coming a mile away. My friend was right; it was the funniest show in TV history. Therefore, I have tried to get everyone I know to watch it as well, especially since it wasn’t particularly popular when it aired. Arrested Development is a typical cult classic show, and you can feel a connection with other fans of the show. Also, if someone has seen the show and doesn’t find it funny, you know their sense of humor is awful. Clearly, it makes a good judge of character.

The latest person I have gotten into the show is my current friend with benefits. After mentioning it a few times, she was willing to give it a try. We popped in the DVD to watch together, and up came Ron Howard on the screen. I commented to her how he was the executive producer of the show and also narrated all the episodes. She looked at me, shrugged, smiled and then admitted that she had no idea who he was. I couldn’t believe this. We’re talking about Opie and Richie Cunningham over here! He is one of the most famous directors and producers of all time! How is this possible??? In my bewildered state, I decided to check Wikipedia and read up about Ron because I knew that he would have something on his page that added to his status as a pop culture icon. Sure enough he did.

“Ron Howard recently made a cameo appearance in the 2009 music video for fellow Academy Award winner Jamie Foxx’s song “Blame It” along side Academy Award winner Forrest Whittaker, Academy Award nominee, Jake Gyllenhaal and Samuel L. Jackson. In the video he is shown holding a glass of champagne.”

This was a very pleasant surprise. We all know Ron Howard can act, direct, and produce like nobody’s business. But raise your hand if you knew Ron Howard had some serious street cred too. I know I didn’t. This is a song that’s all about alcohol and getting drunk, *(http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rfjtpp90lu8) and Jamie Foxx asked Ron Howard to be in it. When he thought of drinking patron and grey goose, he thought of Ron Howard, and not only that…but Jamie Foxx was able to get him to appear in the video. Can you imagine that? Jamie Foxx reaching out to Ron Howard, and Ron said yes. Kudos to you Jamie Foxx; you helped teach the world something they didn’t know. Ron Howard, ginger kid and all, is a lot more of a gangsta thug than you or I could and would ever expect.

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